Thumb sucking

When the topic of thumb sucking comes up, a picture immediately pops into my mind.

It’s a quiet scen one of my cousins is standing in his room, he has his thumb in his mouth. He just looked at me and seemed completely relaxed. There was something peaceful about it a moment of calm. The next thing that comes up is my parents voices. I hear them saying: “This is bad. His teeth won’t grow straight.” Suddenly my feelings change. The calm turns into pressure, stress and confusion.

I always wondered, but never said out loud, how those two things fit together. How could something that looked so soothing be talked about with such concern? 

When I began my journey as a family counselor, this topic came up again. I had no experience from my chidlren, as I have never seen them do it. 
My daughter did have a pacifier, but my twins didn’t even like it. They refused one, ever since they where about 4 month old, but still did not use their thumbs. So I researched the topic. I asked colleagues and my professors and I made up my own mind.

In this article, I want to share with you a short  overview on this topic.

Many parents find themselves wondering how to help their toddler stop sucking their thumb as the habit seems deeply ingrained. Maybe you are reading this article because you know that there are plenty of products on the market designed to put off thumb sucking (bitter nail polish, elbow stoppers, silicone covers), you might have tried bribing, shouting, diversion, bottles… nothing works and you don’t know what to do now.

If you’re looking for a compassionate, connection-based approach, you’re not alone.

Let’s explore why toddlers suck their thumbs in the first place and how gentle tools rooted in co-regulation can help them let go of the habit naturally. 

It Starts Before Birth

Believe it or not, thumb sucking begins in the womb. Prenatal ultrasounds often show fetuses sucking their thumbs or fingers sometimes as early as the first trimester.(Dr. Allesandra Piontelli– From Fetus to Child). This isn’t just adorable; it’s a sign of the innate sucking reflex that helps babies feed and self-soothe after birth. For some children, this reflex is especially strong and continues well into toddlerhood.

Understanding that thumb sucking is biologically programmed not a “bad habit” helps us approach it with empathy, respect and less stress.

 Why Do Toddlers Suck Their Thumbs?

Thumb sucking isn’t just a habit it’s a developmental coping strategy. Here’s what’s going on beneath the surface:

• Biological soothing: That same reflex from the womb becomes a way to calm the nervous system. For some children, the need for oral soothing remains high.
• Emotional regulation: Sucking releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. It’s a way for toddlers to self-soothe when they’re tired, overwhelmed, or seeking comfort.
• Security and routine: Thumb sucking often becomes part of a child’s bedtime ritual or a way to cope with transitions, overwhelm and stress.

Actually it is amazing, because they already have found a way to regulate themselves unlike many people(even adults) who can’t do that. 

Co-Regulation: The Gentle Path Forward

Toddlers are still learning how to manage big emotions. That’s where co-regulation comes in. The parents calm, attuned presence helps the child feel safe and supported. Over time, this external regulation becomes internalized, and the child naturally relies less on thumb sucking.

Instead of removing the thumb, we can replace the need with connection, comfort, and alternatives. These alternatives need to be introduced and tried out by the child. Also remeber a habbit doesn’t get overwritten by doing it 1-3 times. It needs many more tries.

Gentle Tools That Support the Transition

Here are some respectful, child-centered strategies that honor your toddler’s emotional world:

1. Comfort Substitutes

• Offer a soft object like a “huggy” pillow or a favorite stuffed animal during moments of need.
• The child can ask for cuddle time. These children feel the need so why not let them ask for cuddle time with you.

2. Busy Hands, Calm Heart

• Keep hands engaged during common thumb-sucking times:
  • Playdough, finger painting, sensory bins
  • Fidget toys or soft beads
• Offer hand-based activities during car rides,….

3. Emotional Attunement

• Notice when thumb sucking happens and respond with empathy:
  “I see you’re feeling tired let’s cuddle together.”
  “Are you needing a little comfort right now? I’m here.”
  “Looks like your thumb is helping you feel calm. Want to sit with me and breathe together?”

• Use gentle reminders like:
  “Let’s give your thumb a break, it’s worked so hard today.”

  “Can you show me your strong hands? Let’s stretch them like superheroes!”
  “I wonder what your hands want to do instead — maybe build, paint, or squish some playdough?”
  

• Redirecting toward soothing alternatives:
  “If your body feels xxx, let’s squeeze your huggy pillow or do some finger dancing.”
  “Want to hold your cozy stone or your soft beads instread?”

• Naming the need behind the behavior:
  “Sometimes when things feel big inside, our thumb helps. Let’s find another way to feel safe together.”
  “Is your body telling you it needs a break? Let’s make a quiet nest and rest for a bit.”
  “I wonder if your thumb is saying ‘You need help calming down. I can help with that.”

Don’t introduce alternatives the first time when the child is in need!

Before introducing alternative ways to soothe, it’s important to first connect with your child from a place of curiosity and care. Thumb sucking often meets a real emotional or sensory need, and shifting away from it shouldn’t feel like punishment or pressure. Instead of waiting for the moment it happens, gently open a conversation ahead of time without shame, force, or urgency. With an open heart, help your child explore what their body might be asking for, and together discover new ways to feel safe, calm, and supported.

Final Thoughts for Parents

Helping a child stop thumb sucking doesn’t have to be a battle. When we understand the emotional and biological roots of the behavior even tracing back to the womb we can respond with compassion and creativity. Co-regulation, playful rituals, and gentle substitutes offer a path that strengthens connection not just compliance.

And this principle extends far beyond thumb sucking. When we understand why children do what they do, not just what they do, we unlock the ability to truly support them. Knowledge brings clarity. And clarity brings confidence.

This is exactly how I work with parents: not by handing out instructions, but by creating space for reflection, education, and guidance. My goal is to help you become the expert on your own child, because that’s always the most powerful place to parent from. Not from worry, blame, or shame. Not by outsourcing to others. But by growing your own insight and trust in your relationship.

If you’re navigating this with your little one, know that you’re doing something beautiful: supporting emotional growth through relationship. And that’s a gift that lasts far beyond the thumb.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to join one of my workshops or reach out for counseling. Together, we can explore your child’s behavior with curiosity and compassion and help you build the kind of connection that lasts.

I just an e-mail or call away to support  you and your family. 
0699- 10 82 38 02
office@kelaridis.at